a fangirl's struggles

I am writing this blog to express what I feel in my life.

For the past months, I am living without worries and in a split seconds the worriless life comes to an end. I am facing a problem that I feel that there is no answer to it. I thought this 2012 will be good to me and to my family, but it is not. My mom left, our business blooms, fails, and now we will leave our house, our home where I spent my 21 years of my existence.

Now I know what it feels like when changing houses, I thought it would be easy for us but it is not.
I don't know what will happen to my life for the next few months.

Will I still be able to feed myself?

Will I be employed and earn my own money?

Can we pay all our debts?

Can I still live this world alone?

Before, I always wanted to be independent, but now I am afraid to face the world of independence. Should I blame my father for not thinking that we depended ourself too much to him? Everytime I felt this, I always think that if I can do it now? I am afraid that I may fail and will not be able to support myself.

I want to be a POSITIVE THINKER, but I don't know why that my Negative thoughts are always running on my mind. What should I do to fight this negative thoughts??

I want to have a JOB now, but I don't know where and how to start. Can someone give me words of encouragement for me to be able to face all this challenges.